{Thanks}giving

Dear Grace and Emma Kate,

Last week, we celebrated another Thanksgiving.  If you take the Easter post, replace eggs and bunny with turkey and pilgrim and replace Easter with Thanksgiving, you've basically got the details of this holiday as well.  As if right on cue, the vomitorium began the night before Thanksgiving and lasted just long enough to knock us out of the Thanksgiving meal at Granny's.  Even so, we have so much to be thankful for.

The Thanksgiving season is spent making turkey crafts, learning about the first Thanksgiving, and listing things we are thankful for.  That is a list that could go on and on.  And on.  Yes, God has truly blessed us.  But here's the thing.  If you take away all the blessings, one thing remains.  God.  You see, His grace is sufficient.  He is all we need.  No matter if all those things on our thankful list were taken away, no matter what obstacles we face, no matter who is against us.  God is more powerful.  He is always there to pick us up, carry us through, heal us, and supply all our needs.  God is never surprised, never makes a mistake, and is never inadequate.  So give thanks in all circumstances and know that God will supply all your needs through His perfect plans.  He is worthy of our praise.

As you grow and learn more about God, my desire is that you will learn to trust His promises.  The world will fail us, we will fail on our own, but God never fails.  He offers His grace to all of us.  Claim it as your own.

Oh, how thankful I am for God's grace.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.                      2 Corinthians 12:9 

The 4 Letter F Word

Fear.  We've all got fears.  Some are rational; some are irrational.  Like any mother, I've got a million, but I try to keep them to myself.   Who needs a 3 year old afraid she's going to sleep walk again and hurt herself?  Or, who needs a 1 1/2 year old who fears she's going to come in contact with amoxicillin and have another allergic reaction?  Or... the list could go on and on.

No, we try to shelter our children from things that cause us fear, and teach them to be confident and brave.  But, sometimes the worry gene is just too strong.  Emma Kate is a ... well, a scaredy cat.  There, I said it.  Emma Kate is afraid of so many things that I have lost count.

Some of her fears I get - thunder, the dark, loud noises, motorcycles, big trucks, big animals.  And even lawn mowers, yard blowers, the sound the washing machine makes when it gets off track, dogs, bears, horses, frogs, worms, bugs, the sound of a flushing public potty, strangers, and scary masks I can see.  But, that's where the rationality stops. Some of her fears are just down right funny, like Justin's golf bag, hats, vacuum cleaners, fans, and kittens.  It didn't help that when she finally mustered enough courage to touch the golf bag, she knocked it over causing a monstrous crashing noise on our hard wood floors and golf paraphernalia to be scattered everywhere.

We soothe, and reassure her that no, it won't hurt her, and tell her all is well constantly, and the worry lines melt away, and her body relaxes.  Most of the time, snuggles do the trick.  These are easy things to soothe.  These childhood fears, I can deal with.  I can tell her for the millionth time that the vacuum cleaner won't hurt her.  I can reassure her that I'm an arm's length away during the dark night.  I can tell her how proud I am of her when she gets brave and touches Papa's 4-wheeler.  And, I don't mind scooping her up when she comes flying toward me at the sight of a bug or the sound of a truck coming down the road.  Yes, these are easy.  It's the fears and doubts and heart ache that I know will inevitably come later that will be much harder to soothe.  When she's afraid of the school bully, or her confidence falters after failing a test, or her boyfriend breaks her heart, those will be the times I wish we could return to these days of bugs and loud noises.  Those will be the times my heart will literally be walking around outside my body.

And even then, I will continue to reassure her, and tell her how proud I am of her, and let her know that Mama is here.  That fact will always remain.

Don't Blink

I have 2 little girls.  No, no.  I know that I've had 2 daughters for 20 months, but now it's different.  They have officially turned into little girls.

One of the most common words of advice given to parents-to-be is to not blink.  It's hard to remember that tidbit in the moment.  You usually don't remember it until the realization sets in that you did blink and realize all that happens in a blink.

In a blink, Grace's time as a baby ended and she became a little lady.

In a blink, Emma Kate's handful of words spoken turned into a full fledged vocabulary that she uses to express her feelings, tell you about her day, and carry on a conversation.

In a blink, Grace and Emma Kate began playing along side one another.  It makes my heart melt to watch them cook at their play kitchen, put together puzzles, and play with their babies.

In a blink, Grace started sleeping in her big girl bed.  I know that it was definitely time, but looking back, that precious time of snuggling all night passes by too quickly.

In a blink, Emma Kate decided that being told "no" by anyone including her sister or her parents was "meeeaan."

In a blink, the sounds coming from the backseat went from cries and snarls to songs about Jesus, sunshine, and puffer bellies.  If you don't know what a puffer belly is, I highly recommend checking out the song "Down by the Station."  It's Emma Kate's favorite which she demands every night at bedtime.  The whole family has to sing it to her.  If her subtle requests for "Puff" don't make all of us chime in, a resounding "PUFF!!!" is sure to do the trick.  This part of our bed time routine where all 4 of us are singing together is one I definitely don't want to blink through.

In a blink, the tattling master changed hands.  Emma Kate's first tattle occurred this week and went something like this:
Emma Kate: "Mimeout."
Me: "You need to go to timeout?"
Emma Kate: "No, Dwace mimeout."
Me: "Why does Grace need to go to timeout?"
Emma Kate: "Meeeeaaaannn."

In a blink, the scary world I entered of being mama to 2 under 2 passed me by and I am now mama to 2 little girls.  I blinked without realizing it, and now I'm trying to soak in each day before these too pass by and I am mama to 2 big girls.

*All photos in this post taken by Nichol Engle Photography

Missing!

Attention, Friends.  My sweet, laid back, youngest daughter is missing.  She has been replaced with a hormonal teenager in a pint sized body.  In other words, we have made a gigantic leap into the terrible twos.  There were no warning signs, no easing into the world of the hormonal toddler, nothing to prepare me that Emma Kate was about to make this transition.  It happened all at once and made me wonder if she was sick, had hit her head, or had a disorder.  Then, the truth hit me like a ton of bricks.

Those bricks came down last weekend at a wedding shower.  As we sat there in the church fellowship hall surrounded by wedding gifts, bite-sized chicken salad sandwiches, and ladies using their utmost manners, I was thinking "My goodness, this party sure is loud."  Somewhere between the cracker being thrown at me, my necklace being broken, dragging Emma Kate off the stage, and punch being spilled down my dress, I realized the source of the noise was right beside me.  I was THAT mom.  The one that was getting the sideways glances and "that poor dear" smiles.  The one with the flailing, pint sized ball of energy and fury.

I've come up with a list of why the terrible twos can be likened to a cross between a rabid wild cat and a hormonal teenager.

1.  Mood changes.  One minute, Emma Kate is sunshine and roses, the next, she is screaming, flailing, and hurling a series of words I do not understand but can imagine they are not "You are wonderful and beautiful, Mommy."  Just today, Emma Kate and I were getting in the car.  She was excited about our trip to Wal-Mart, but as i tried to put her in her car seat, she stiffened, shrieked a succession of words, slid out of the car seat, and under the bench seat of my Explorer.  Now, it is not an easy feat to get under the seat of an Explorer, and it is even harder to get out from under the seat of an Explorer.  Especially when the item under the seat does not want to be retrieved.  A minute later, the sunshine returned and we were on our way.  Go figure.

2.  Indecisiveness.  One minute it's white, one minute it's black.  The other day, Emma Kate asked for milk.  When it wasn't presented to her within 1.7 seconds, her request turned into a high pitched wail for milk.  I poured her a sippy of milk and tried to hand it to her.  She pushed it away.  I sat it on the counter.  She screamed for milk.  I tried to hand it to her and she pushed it away.  I sat it on the counter.  She screamed for milk...  Do you see where this is going?  Eventually, she did satiate her thirst by accepting the sippy.

3.  Temper tantrums.  In our house, Tantrumville now has a population of 2.  Emma Kate has even had to visit the timeout spot.  Timeout lasted all of 10 seconds before the sweet baby returned and her broken heart was evident.  I think though, that in those 10 seconds a point was proven.  **Snort**  Yeah right.  Who am I kidding?  The only point that was proven is that I am a pushover and she is a master manipulator.  As the tantrums get more and more frequent, I'm having to remind myself that "Children are a heritage of the Lord" and this too shall pass.  Or so they tell me.  Right now, having 2 children that have mastered the art of the temper tantrum and aren't afraid to use it makes me feel that this "phase" is going nowhere for the next oh, 18 years or so.

Those few and far between moments where both girls are happy and smiling are worth it though.  They keep my heart full and remind me how much of a blessing being a mama is.

Looking Up

The other morning, it occurred to me that our vision is focused upward more than any other direction.  We're always searching for someone to imitate, someone to look up to whether we realize it or not.  This "epiphany" came as I observed Grace and Emma Kate sitting on the couch.  Grace was zeroed in on some preschool tv program, but Emma Kate's attention was focused somewhere entirely different.  She was taking in Grace's every move.  I watched her work to get her ankles crossed just right, position her hands around her cup of milk in the same manner, she even took note of the tilt of the head.  Grace had no idea Emma Kate was watching her, taking her in, imitating her, looking up to her.


That's how it is so often in our daily lives.  We're always looking up to someone, and someone's always looking up to us.  You've heard the saying: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  Eyes, both little and big are taking note of our every move and imitating us whether we realize it or not.  Grace has recently begun clearing the table after meals.  For months, side by side, we have completed this routine together.  I've never talked about it with her - clearing the dishes, where to put the uneaten food in each plate, wiping the table, loading the dishwasher - but those little eyes have taken note of every move so that she is now efficient and fluid.  The girls love to hang out with me while I get ready in the mornings.  Little did I know that it wouldn't take long for Emma Kate to be able to give the girl at the Estee Lauder counter a run for her money.  Their little hands move in the same way mine do as I complete these same tasks.  


It reminds me of song lyrics by Casting Crowns: Be careful little feet where you go, for it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow.  It's up to us which kind of role model we want to be.  Choose wisely, for little feet are sure to follow.

Notes from the Never Files

We've all thought it.  "I will never...," or "My child will never..."  But how may times have we eaten those words?  I'd be willing to bet almost as many times as we said them.  It's really quite laughable - all the things I never thought would happen.  Here are a few notes from the Never Files.

Pottying with an audience
It's supposed to be a private matter, right?  But, last summer, after Grace had been potty trained for a few months, I realized going to the bathroom had become a family event.  Emma Kate, who was 8 months old was sitting on my lap.  Yes, my lap.  Grace was laying on her tummy with her chin resting in her hands in front of me. She erupted with cheers and proclaimed "Yay, Mommy!  You tinkled!"

Color
Sure I've wondered about the color of shoes, or curtains, or dresses.  But, I never thought I'd be curious about the color of a dirty diaper.  No more explanation is needed.  If you are a parent, you've been there.

Leaving the house with various stains
I've always prided myself with looking put together.  After I became a mama, it was more like throwing on the  "cleanest" thing available.  I've left the house with spit up, snot, dried baby food, and who knows what else more times than I care to be pointed out to me.

Being a willing human kleenex
There are times when a wipe or tissue just isn't available.  Is it disgusting?  Yes.  Is it my finest hour?  Nope.  But, if it comes down between a toddler's meltdown over snot running down her face or my shirt getting a little facial liquid on it, the shirt is going down.

Costumes
I never thought I'd be the mom toting a costume clad toddler.  I realized these words had been eaten when I introduced my daughter the tutu wearing, faux diamond sporting, lipstick donning princess to an acquaintence at Wal-Mart.

This is only a glimpse into the Never Files.  I'll post more at a later date.  Leave a comment and share your own notes from the never files!

Lessons Learned

As adults, we like to think that we are in control and let our chests puff up when we teach our itty bitties something new.  I mean I can't be the only mama to show everyone in town when her first born learned to spell her name.  And I know I'm not the first mama to show off her daughter's ability to sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" complete with hand motions.  I realize most of Emma Kate's lyrics aren't understandable to any ears but Mama's, but the girl has got mad skills that are screaming American Idol.  Really though, our children are the real teachers.  Over the last 3 years of being a mama, I have been taught some lessons that have been realized through tears as well as smiles, some that have been hard to swallow, and definitely some that have made my heart all but burst.

Here are a few of the lessons my teachers have imparted.

1.  Babies don't come with instruction manuals.

     I know it sounds a bit cliche, but it's true.  Lots of smarty pants have tried to write them, but this mama is here to tell you not to waste your money.  I have read countless books and articles on pregnancy, child birth, getting your baby to sleep, nursing, healthy foods, raising happy children, getting your baby on a schedule, and just about every other topic related to parenting you can think of.  Maybe my children are just that advanced, but none of the gurus' advice could make my girls sleep longer, eat broccoli with a smile, or forgo a single temper tantrum.  And, once you think you've got parenting figured out, here comes numero dos to defy everything you found that worked.  Here's what I've found that does work: every child is unique, and I can stress about a million things or I can try to enjoy the sleepless nights and temper tantrums because I'm finding that this time passes way too quickly.

2.  Children have a hidden container of bodily fluids.

     Just when you think you've seen the last of tinkle, poop, vomit, or snot, those itty bitties pull out another round of reserves.  I mean really, what other explanation could there be?

3.  Never say never.

     They WILL prove you wrong!  Before I became a mama, I remember wondering why those parents in the next aisle over allowed their children to yell, scream, and kick their way through the toy department.  Weeelll, my first born quickly showed me why.  Let me just say that one trip to Target which involved Mama trying to play Dr. Spock and pull reverse psychology on the flailing toddler in the toy department set me straight on this issue.  After using the calmest voice I could muster, I told Grace that I was leaving and started to walk away just knowing she would follow.  I got a few feet away when I heard the high pitched wails stop.  Turning around, I saw her quietly and calmly stand up, stare a hole right through me, and turn and run in the opposite direction!  So much for teaching her a lesson.  I'd say she schooled me.

4.  8 hours is overrated.

     Sleep.  Ahhh, such a sacred word.  After not having a full night's sleep in 3 years, I am here to say that it is survivable.  I thought that there could not possibly be 2 children born to the same set of parents that were such terrible sleepers.  Once again - wrong!  I've learned that 8 hours is a mere suggestion and not to ever expect it again.  I've also learned that one can be quite functionable and almost intelligible while suffering from chronic sleep deprivation.

5.  Babies are born knowing a few things.

     It is often heard that the only things babies are born knowing is how to sleep, eat, and make dirty diapers.  While the first is arguable (see lesson # 4), I'd like to add another to the list.  Babies have an innate knowledge of how to make messes.  I think it's handed down through the paternal genes. ;)  It's amazing how much laundry stain remover a 7 pound baby can go through, how far a 8 month old can spew pureed carrots, how deep mashed up poptart, blush, cheerios, and spilled milk can seep into carpet, and how expansive a collection of toys can get.  Certainly they're not taught this impressive skill; my little ones came knowing how to create messes.

6.  Babies cause love to grow.

     I remember a friend who was pregnant expressing her concerns that the relationship between her and her husband would never be the same after the baby arrived.  I told her she was right.  Their relationship would change, but it would be a change for the better.  My love for Justin has grown and deepened more than I could have ever imagined in the last 3 years.  I appreciate him on a new level.  Knowing that we are responsible for these itty bitties, and we are in this together has caused our devotion to one another to intensify.  Seeing Justin take care of our girls and hear him sing silly songs to them makes my heart melt on a daily basis.

7.  You can't comprehend the love.

     Before I had children, I thought I got it.  Really though, I couldn't have possibly comprehended a parent's love until I became a mama.  I did not imagine loving someone so much it hurts.  I did not imagine being able to fight tooth and nail to protect my children.  And, knowing I would do it in the blink of an eye.  There's no way I understood how much my mama loves me.  Not until I became a mama.  I know that I didn't fully understand unselfish love.  Not until feeding, diapering, comforting, and rocking a helpless newborn who has nothing to offer as thanks.  I couldn't comprehend my heart walking around outside my body until I became mama to 2 little girls who are my world.

Thank you, Grace and Emma Kate, for letting me be your student.